I remember when I was seventeen or eighteen, one of the books my mother made me read was *Half an Acre of Flower Field*. My first impression was that it was related to the line from the poem "Thoughts on Reading": "A half-acre pond, like a mirror, reflects the sky and clouds." This was expected. The light blue cover, a blend of warm and cool
tones, captivated me at first glance. The author was a gentle and unassuming girl, a girl who, despite being diagnosed with a terminal illness at fifteen, still strived to live—Tian Wei, whom I also affectionately call Tian Tian. Her light touches and warm words were filled with love and gratitude, perseverance and sincerity, conveying a profound sense of wonder at life. At 21, Tian Tian flew away like a butterfly, leaving behind only her half-acre of flower field. Sadly, this beautiful flower field was only half an acre. The background of purple gentians, the neat handwriting, the bright smile, the blue plaid pattern, the bangs, the elfin-like appearance, and her beloved gentians. The flower's meaning is "I love you even when you're sad." Sad? Yet, I see Tian Tian's smile remains unchanged.
Tian Tian said, "I want to be happy, I only want to be happy." I said, you just want to live a good life. But some people say that the phrase "live a good life" isn't compassionate. After reading this book, I realized just how difficult it is to say those four words. They can be confusing, painful, even despairing. How can one be happy in such a life? Well, there's nowhere to hide anymore, so let's expose it directly to the sunlight and tell everyone that it's okay.
That's why we can see the light of life in Tian Tian's posthumous work. Once, it was the summer of 2013. As an art student, I missed my dream university due to a momentary oversight when filling out my application. I gave up and refused to study. My mind was in turmoil, and I was also burdening my family. My mother took "Half an Acre of Flower Field" from the bookshelf and said, "Read this." In 2014, I didn't take the art exam. I lay low for less than a year and applied based solely on my academic scores. This is the unique power of her words, which purified and calmed my heart, and made me feel the goodness of the world and life even more.
In fact, Tian Tian herself rarely describes her illness directly, often using metaphors or an outsider's perspective. For example, in "Still," she writes, "When I became that girl in the mirror, unrecognizable, swallowing pill after pill, I finally understood that suffering can never be truly understood." Yet, after crying, she silently recites, "Let life be as brilliant as summer flowers." In "Fragile Pain," she speculates about the situation and future of the girl she met at the hospital while getting blood drawn, thinking, "...like me." I wonder what kind of strength allowed her to calmly transcend her predicament and write with the composure that "illness is just illness, not a disaster." She doesn't question fate, nor does she resent heaven; she simply thinks, "Let the unwarranted suffering gradually dilute and dissipate, let beautiful life, in its beautiful years, be freely and naturally beautiful, without fear, without pain, without sorrow, without withering and dimming." Let us understand to live with gratitude, to love those we love, and not to resent or grieve because of misfortune. No matter how perilous the future, stand firm with a smile, for with love, we should not fear. Her quiet and peaceful demeanor speaks of her own sorrow without bitterness, so I feel not sympathy, but deep heartache.
My heart aches for Tian Tian because of our similarities: a love for family, a love for life, and an even greater love for the life we dream of. She longs to build a house at the foot of the mountain, with red brick flowerbeds planted with roses, daisies, and enormous sunflowers, and a sky-blue wooden door painted by her own hand. She hopes for a quiet lover to share a warm drink in the cold winter, or perhaps to venture together into the mountain valley to find a tree bursting with red plum blossoms. Such humble and ordinary wishes in this world, yet they are dreams she can never achieve in her lifetime.
May Tian Wei find peace on the other side of the world, and may those you love and those who love you on this side find sunshine.
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