Bi Shumin: Things I Only Understood When I Was 40

 　　It wasn't until my forties that I realized how important happiness truly is.

　　Before that, I always thought I wasn't a happy person. Later, I realized I was wrong.

　　Happiness isn't something earth-shattering, it's not something grand and ostentatious, it doesn't require a lot of money or a moment of dazzling glory as we imagine.

　　As long as each of us strives and works hard, we will enjoy our own happiness.

　　My earliest focus on the issue of happiness actually came from the German philosopher Feuerbach.

　　He said: "The first priority of life is to make oneself happy."

　　I was quite surprised when I saw this statement.

　　We feel we have many small goals, we are guided by the general public opinion of society, and swept along by certain trends.

　　But you must be clear: the most important thing in your life is to make yourself happy.

　　As I just mentioned, I only understood these things when I was forty, because I saw a small story at that time:

　　a survey was being conducted in a Western country, the topic of which was "Who is the happiest person in the world?"

　　Because a call for answers was placed in the newspaper, thousands of letters flew to the newspaper office.

　　The newspaper organized a selection committee to see what the public thought about happiness and who the happiest person was.

　　Finally, based on the number of votes:

　　first place went to a mother holding her baby after bathing them;

　　second place to a doctor watching a patient leave after curing them;

　　third place to a child building a sandcastle on the beach, smiling contentedly as the sun sets;

　　and fourth place to a writer putting a period to their work.

　　Seeing these results filled me with sorrow.

　　To some extent, I had experienced all four kinds of happiness at that time.

　　I had a child, had bathed him, and had held him;

　　I used to be a doctor, and had seen patients discharged after curing them;

　　I may not have built sandcastles on the beach, but I had dug holes in sand piles at construction sites near my home and watched people accidentally fall in;

　　I had started writing then, and had also put a period to my work.

　　My sadness stemmed from the fact that I possessed all these kinds of happiness, yet I had never felt truly happy.

　　I think it wasn't the world that was wrong, but myself.

　　My understanding and grasp of happiness, and my pursuit of it, were fundamentally flawed.

　　It was under these circumstances that I wrote an essay called "Reminding Happiness," which was later included in the nationally standardized second-grade Chinese textbook.

　　The old Chinese saying, "At forty,

　　one is no longer perplexed," is very true. It's truly impossible to understand until the time comes; once it arrives, you suddenly understand. That's why I only understood happiness in my forties.

　　Now, when I look back at my diaries from my youth, I wonder how I could have written so much pain, but now I've completely forgotten it.

　　I used to think happiness was flawless, without any shadows, pure and beautiful.

　　But now I want to tell you: happiness is actually inner stability. We can't control everything in the outside world, but we can control our inner state.

　　Or simply put, happiness is the achievement of the soul.

　　I especially hope that young friends will start now to cherish their lives and happiness, and understand that all hardships are inevitable parts of life.

　　How wonderful it would be to understand happiness in your twenties; you would suffer much less.

　　Of course, it's never too late to realize how important happiness is to us. As long as life exists, we can still learn and grow.

　　After I understood happiness, the most important change was that I felt I could take control of my life.

　　Before that, there was very little I could control.

　　Because of the helplessness, the sense of drifting along, and the uncertainty about the future, there was often a deep-seated unease.

　　Now I am becoming more and more peaceful. I know there are some things in the world that I cannot control, and we shouldn't waste our energy on those.

　　But there are parts that can be changed.

　　How we see ourselves, how we see the world, and we do our best to change what we can, according to our own will.

　　After doing these things well, my sense of stability has greatly increased.

　　I know I will inevitably face hardships, because the world cannot always be sunny.

　　I also know that the darker side of humanity will exist everywhere, and as I see them more clearly, I have gained a deeper understanding of the world.

　　Now I feel that this world is indeed a mixture of good and bad, but I still have hope for it and can still face it calmly.

　　When I studied psychotherapy, I embraced the humanistic school of thought. I particularly love Maslow's quote:

　　"To be human is a hopeful and good thing."

　　I believe humanistic psychology has two important starting points: one is the inherent goodness of human nature, and the other is that people can change.

　　I especially like these two fundamental starting points.

　　The first one naturally aligns with the Confucian view that "human nature is inherently good."

　　Regarding the second, we should never be too pessimistic about the world or ourselves; we should be full of hope for others and ourselves.

　　I like this school of thought.

　　When I was a psychologist, I heard many stories of suffering, setbacks, frustration, sorrow, and even hatred.

　　This moved me deeply with the trust and resilience of people who rely on each other for survival and seek solutions even in dire circumstances.

　　This gives me a firm belief:

　　that I must be with them in times of crisis, and do my best to help them with the warmth of my heart.

　　But I still know that everyone's destiny is determined by themselves, and the final decision rests in their own hands.

　　I will share the lessons I've learned from the hardships of my own life, and do my best to help them through the most difficult and chaotic times.

　　Of course, I will also ensure my own inner strength remains unwavering, lest I be swallowed up by those turbulent currents.

　　We are simply helping each other to help themselves; ultimately, the strength comes from within.