My absence, your desolation

     Forget the horizon, and you'll see far.

    I often fantasize about     sitting on the floor

    in my own space , gazing at the sky.     Your appearance     shattered my silent fantasy, occupying     a corner of my heart. I silently recite:     "In the south there is a beautiful woman, peerless and independent.     One glance could topple a city, a second glance could topple a nation.     How could one not know the power of such beauty, for such a woman is hard to find again?"     You breached my defenses     , leaving me with an unhealable wound.     I became extreme     , my life a mess.     I no longer look up at the sky to think     , but walk head down on the bustling streets.     The indifferent cold wind blows, freezing my world.     I've always seen myself as a heartless person ,     indifferently ignoring, coldly dodging.     I'm afraid to admit reality, afraid of this kind of relationship.     I've indifferently abandoned my dreams, turning watching into peeping.     Forgetting the horizon—can this make me lose the distance?     Your regrets, my unspoken words.     I raise my head, gazing at the sky that belongs only to me     , stretching out my hands to touch the air.     I've long been accustomed to this lonely posture.     Real yet unreal, dreamlike yet not dreaming,     I suddenly open my eyes     and find myself lost.     Often, at some time and place,     I suddenly remember those old faces, letting     my thoughts wander through my memory     . So, I find a corner     and watch all sorts of people pass before my eyes.     My eyes sting     , a tear falls.     Perhaps it's because I've been watching for too long     , perhaps it's just because the wind is too strong.     I want to throw myself back into that time, to start over,     to change what didn't happen .     But time has passed,     and I can only silently be strong, bravely becoming a child with nothing     . In difficult times, I recall yesterday.     A strange world, a strange state of mind, a familiar sense of loss. I     always want to tell you that     I've always been here, waiting for you to turn around.     Although I clearly hear the sound of time flowing through this city     , perhaps you have your unspoken words, and I have my own sorrows     . We cannot heal each other!     Life is a series of     fleeting moments, like a sentence I stumbled upon.     It seems like a dramatic turn     , and I     wake up to a completely different century . Suddenly, I realize I'm so far removed from life, left only     with its cacophony .     Suddenly, I really want to find myself a cage.     Perhaps only then can I escape these fleeting moments of life.     You know     me, I gave up everything     just to gain your approval.     Like reincarnation, memories find release in sorrow.     You are so familiar; I     can even see the tears behind my smile.     Standing timidly at the crossroads , I     realize I don't belong in this world     . Perhaps I'm just too stubborn,     hiding in my own world, coldly observing,     because reality still exists undeniably .     I try to explain myself     , but my words slowly become incoherent.     My heart is deathly white, like fleeting moments of life     . After the brief chaos, only a powerless, pale emptiness remains. Alone     , unable to escape,     I can only wait in my memories.     Finally, I decide to forget. On this     lonely street, I remain a bystander,     powerless and hesitant,     yearning     for the next chapter where I can be the protagonist.